Saturday, February 5, 2011



Anyone that has had to experience the heart-drenching saga of being cheated on, the initial reaction is—should I leave them or should I stay to work on this relationship. Adrenaline is flowing, heartbeat is racing, disappointment, frustration and anger fills the body. What’s crazy is, most of the time it brings two people closer together because the person that was cheated on is usually insecure with losing them to the person they cheated with. How does one find out? Someone tells them, that someone is most likely a friend or the opposite sex just looking to gain some leverage from the situation.  Very few find out from being their own detective or investigator, not saying it doesn’t happen but most people are caught in “denial mode” so a confirmation has to really smack them in the face for them to accept it. But once it hits the fan, that day will forever go down in history. How you found out, where you were, what you were doing and that churning in your stomach feel that hits you at that moment. The person that does the cheating, they are usually unfazed by the hurt and pain they’ve caused. They get to sleep at night without even thinking about this too much while on the other end the one cheated on can barely sleep or eat.

Let me tell you something…….. The person that is cheated on can take their mindset in two places. First, they can become immensely bitter or second, they grow to be cheaters themselves by using this incident as justification to NEVER trust again. On the flip-side, there is no one to blame but yourself, the thing is we are more inclined to take a chance with something that may not work as opposed to something that is more likely to succeed. Basically, from the beginning your partner may have shown you that they had no intentions on being faithful but you chose to ignore it and move further into an emotional web. You have to look at the cause and not necessarily the outcome it is just the way of life. If a person cheats once they will cheat twice so if you think any different you’re only fooling yourself. There is no rehabilitation for cheaters but them getting a dose of their own medicine and once it’s done to them, which may be the only time they feel any kind of emotion. 

I’ve always felt that most Cheaters are born and the rest are circumstantially converted through experience. Whether you have been cheated on or have done the cheating, no one wins. The dynamics are changed for the worse, leading to pain after pain. The person on the [outside] that was used is rarely taken into account because they may have been misled into believing they were involved with someone that was single. Either way, the entire triangle is one that involves a bunch of lies. Cheating breaks up homes, spirits, trust systems and is an unfortunate part of society. Instead of hurting others, if you’re not happy work toward finding the exit without damaging someone else in the process!


  1. In depth and sincere. There is such a lack of respect for union these days. This situation is a slippery rope with no safety net. Respect to anyone going through a situation of this magnitude!

  2. I have to respectfully disagree with the "once a cheater, always a cheater" comment. I don't think that is true for everyone. I think that infidelity is horrid and immensely painful, but it can be painful for both sides as they struggle to regain trust. The cheater needs to come completely clean, take full and total responsibility, and Adjust roles from "cheater" to "healer" as they help their partner understand, when, what, with whom, how and most often asked, why...

    Recovering from an affair takes a dedication that I find few are willing to endure. Marriage has become disposable. When approached properly by the cheating party, when there is help from a therapist trained in infidelity issues, trust can be regained.

    Affairs happen for many reasons, so a person may become entangled once, and never again. Marriages can be affair-proofed, but being a survivor if one forces us to do the work on ourselves and our marriages - the work that should, I suppose, be a part of the marriage from the beginning. If it were, the marriage would be less prone to invasion from the outside.

  3. Thank you for your comment of which is greatly appreciated, I do believe that those that have become cheater's fight with the addiction of being dishonest. Them carrying out this dishonesty by going outside of the realm of commitment is only one way, I'm sure this same person tells untruths any chance they get. You made some very vital points on this unfortunate act that many are a victim of.

  4. I like how both sides came at this issue. Al and info both have points of validity. Time and investment are the main factors in rebuilding in the aftermath of the violation. There should be professional and spiritual guidance for this couple. I'll close by saying you have to know when to hold and when to fold. If it's too much to bare for the cheated on he/she must forgive and move on!