I did a show on LET IT BE KNOW LIVE, my weekly talk show some months back addressing this topic, and it was quite interesting to hear the mixed response of “Dating a Friend’s Ex”, BUT let’s also add a relative to the equation. Some of us have had this done to us or are privy to it happening to someone we know, if not this is something I will bring to your attention. It’s usually an “unwritten rule” among friends and relatives that under no circumstances should anyone pursue the ex of one another. Often, what happens is that this results in ruined friendships, households and families. How does this happen? There are many ways that this usually transpires while none of it is foreseen—it’s not a gender special because both Men and Women are guilty of betraying their friend or relative.
I’m going to tell you as raw as I can get, when someone wants your spouse, significant or love interest they will do everything in their power to make the acquisition happen. None of this is impossible unless the aggressor’s tactics are in met in agreement by the ex, so it’s safe to say that two wrongs will not make it right. In no way would I say it’s right but in some cases, some of you pretty much hand-delivered that person on a platter by sharing all of the intricacies of your relationship with that outside source. This only created an attraction and fetish toward your partner—a mistake often made my many. Figuratively, that person is on the outside of the relationship that once existed—now they may be a friend or a relative of one of the two. Selfishly—at some point they have made a decision to go after this person without considering any of the consequence. A question we all ask is……what gives them the right to say “This is no longer your man or woman so I am now interested in them and will pursue them.”As they proceed in their plan and finally get to speak to the person, they use their (alleged) feelings for them as a ploy to lure them right in.
Some may feel that an “ex” is an ex and what they do after you don’t matter. I think there is a moralistic and principle breach by going after a friend or a relative’s ex, but for the person that feels comfortable enough in doing what they usually feel is justified. Once questioned and confronted, they never have any real solid explanation and in their eyes they have done nothing wrong. Now—the victim is forever damaged by the violation of a friend or a relative that will result in an emotional scar that may not heal, and a friendship or a family circle that may be irreparable. It is even immensely hard when the dynamics include the birth of a child that has come out of this debacle, while they’re a blessing this is also a bookmark to the added pain. How does one rebound from this and move forward without having authentic TRUST ISSUES with friends or other family members, only time will tell? In my world, I’ve never been the one to condone nor support any malicious and deceptive acts toward others. Frankly, there are just some things that should never be done and this is one of them!
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/letitbeknownlive/2010/08/30/let-it-be-known-live "Dating a Friend's Ex" Part 1
"Dating a Friend's Ex" Part 2